Once again I've been awake in the middle of the night, 3am to be precise. Its been long since my last midnight entry. I've been ditching this blog ever since because I found out that everytime I blogged I wrote something so full of sadness within me. People says that when you blog you shared your feelings and it helps you to release the stress and sadness within you. Well, I think otherwise. Blogging had been making me think even more of my life that I've been longing to avoid, problems that I'd never faced, errors of my decisions made everytime within a split second. Yes, I am not mature enough to face myself, or to say I am actually running away from myself.
When I am driving home on the way sending my sister to her tuition center last night, I sudenly had a flash back of all what I've gone through. I've seen such a silly me, and stubborn too. I remembered that one of my friend, that is being so pampered by her mom, eventhough having strict curfew, and still tells me that parents is always right. Yeah, when they deny you, they are right. But, had you ever thought bout that at the very moment? I believe most of us will say no, or maybe when we are still kids back then.
I guess its time for me to consider my future. I've not been concentrating on the right path, instead, I was looping around hopping here and there looking for excitement and entertainment. Just to numb myself I suppose. Numb myself from my own doings which I knew wrong, and numb myself from thinking about what will happen next. Yes, I need someone to reminds me. Yeah, its childish to have such a need. Im old enough to know what is wrong and right. But, can everyone do that eventhough they knew it? I need someone to reminds me, to oversee the consequences of my beings. Parents couldn't see me when I am nowhere near them, friends couldn't help me everytime while they need to handle their own problems.
There is always someone to oversee, to overcome, to lend, to help. That person is so special that no one can ever replace. Its hard to have known someone which, is so close to your heart, your spirit. Yet, people are always blinded by lust they couldn't see. They crave for those lust which they couldn't remember how special that person is, how good and how important they are to themselves. Why people never appreciates those who are so important until they finally leave them?
Its always the midnight that made me think about such things. The world is so unfair, some say. But never do they actually think that, its actually a cycle of gain and loss. What I do today, will i gain my profit tomorrow. Yet, I never really did anything. Yes, I didn't. All these years I've been keeping myself silent trying to findout what was in everyone's mind. I am successful I can say, I can sometimes understands how people think after chatting long enough with them. But yet, I had failed myself in solving my own problems. I do not know what I am thinking.
I am changing, I know it. From the previous ones that everyone can see, or they can know how I am just by reading all my previous entries in this blog. But I knew once again, I am going to be a better person day by day. All thanks to all my friends, which given trust on me for helping them to solve their problems, or asking me to be their faithful litseners. I gain alot from them. I've learned my own ways.
In the end, I hope I am bold enough to act, brave enough to admit, sincere enough to tell. To tell everyone, and to tell HER. Yes, I love you.
"Appreciates often comes after depreciates, but try not to do that on precious ones. Instead, do it on those which you do not want."
