Untitled for title

Christmas is just around the corner, but I have no plans for this year's Christmas. It should be a lonely holiday though. Today I had my Pengajian Malaysia examination ended by suprise!!! Yeah, those essay tips our lecturer gave us are just useless. Everyone goes into the hall smiling and came out with a face of sorrow. The corridor was surrounded by grimly auras that you can just tell that there is no hopes around.



Later on I went back home, click on my browser and browse through some random blogs and felt that I should actually blog something even if I do not have anything to blog about these days. Days passes normally for me. Hmm, first thing to do for me should be reducing weight I think, having a bad time and lately I am dreaming alot as in, I can't wake up after I fall asleep. I wonder is it the tiredness of my mental and physical after everything I did on my daily life....

Came across a very funny blog that reminds me of something important. Have anyone ever met a situation where decision making is hard? Hard to choose between right and wrong? Hard to choose between to do or not to do? It is harsh, but to know, in reality we can't always decide something to do just because we want it to be done. Other consequences should be considered. Maybe when I decided to do something, it might affect everyone around me, or maybe I am going to lose something if I get something. This yin and yang effect is just so annoying. How come the way we live can't be decided by ourselves? Why we should consider alot if it was our own way of living?

To come back to my senses, we live because our parents gave us life. We should not only be grateful but be aware of their feelings too. Balance is something very hard to achieve, what we can do is to reach the balance in everything we do so that it wont do much damage to both sides when we had our decision making session in our lives. Big deal eh?



"When we can't decide on something, just let our heart decides which way to take. But be aware that the consequences made shall be what you can bare with your own. This is, when we can't deicide with our sane mind..."

Just some random craps

Whooooooohoooo...Its long enough for the exam weeks and study weeks to pass out. Its even a longer time for me to have a sudden mood for bloggin again, as in I had long long lost the habit of keep blogging because of my siblings have to use the computer and we almost had to fight for it and I almost everytime will get a midnight computing time...THATS HARSH!!

Well, thanks to my so called 'pet-sis' which I love her so much in the pass and not so much but still love her in the present, hahaha, not that kind of LOVE but is the brotherly love which she had started her own blog recently and had inspired me to write some when I have the free time.(since it is holiday for me so I think I wouldn't be having much problem blogging)

Since it is my holiday, and I had resign from my job at the spa center due to the inssuficient time for exams and assignments, I AM REALLY BORED AT HOME BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING TO DO. And yes, nothing to do unless I do house keeping everyday and night and that is SO NOT MY STYLE as I am such a lazy person haha. Then I started to get interested in soccer which I had never get interested in before and found out that it was quite interesting actually. Looking at the odds and stuffs really inspired me to continue doing researches on each team to see whether they can win for this season's league or not. Another unexpected is that I actually had a very consistent meetings with one of my primary and secondary schoolmates which I never really had any chance to know her too well.

Starting from last Sunday till today, a total of 7 days we had almost about 6 days meeting each others which is unusual for me, normally no one will have the mood to go out with me more than 3 days, haha, or maybe 2. I might start to think something stupid afterwards so I might as well just stop meeting people that often so that I can cool myself down and have enough sleeps. Yes, I haven't have enough sleeps. Being a driver for my siblings is really tiring. Others can wake up at noon everyday while I must wake up at 6.30am so that I can send my brother to school. I actually hated to wake up that early but I have no other choice... And then I can't have my nap at 12 noon because it is time to send my sister to school again. AND I MUST PICK THEM UP AT 5.30pm, I HATE HARI RAYA PUASA AND PUASA MONTH because schools tends to end earlier than usual and it disrupt my sleeping time too for my holidays....

Ahhh, had nothing much to write for today so its just that right now....
Blog again real soon...


"Something I learned recently, do not be hasty so that you won't make any wrong decisions. It might be a minor matter but it will not be minor anymore if you made a major mistake."

I thought I hate it, but then I don't hate it that much, in the end it doesn't even matters anymore

Sometimes, there is something wrong in life. At first I thought it was just me, but the it really isn't just me, and then it doesn't really matters anymore. Its being a crazy year, for I thought I could just start a brand new life. Forgetting all the pass-tenses and bringing on together with me those happy memories, and even try to make some. But, how unfortunate it is that everything, or I should say nothing, is going with my plans. Yes, NOTHING is going according to what I've planned.

This is really disgusting, I've planned an outing and in the end I recieved calls saying no one can make it. Fine, I planned this I planned that, in the end it doesn't work out. I've planned to earn some cash for myself, in the end I ended up jobless. WHY? Because my so called good manager has reduced my working hours till so short until I can only cover my petrol expenses with my so little salary. It happens right after she hired a full-timer for work. Hah! Thats the way life is.

Even though I hate it, but then I only thought I hate it, in the end it really doesn't matter anymore because I've still gotta live on and continue what ever I should've continued. So no matter how miserable life is I still gotta make it merrier than ever.

30th August 2008 -
Yes, this is the Merdeka eve, so what? It supposed to be a good day, but today it is not a good day after 1.30p.m. It happens again something I've planned months before ended up being bailed. I felt so heart broken as in I've been fooled around not by my friends this time, but is by HIM. Who ever HE is, you're so bad playing with my life like how my sister played with her Barbies. Some say this is a part of your life, mistakes and failures always comes right before you did something correctly, when you succeeded. Ya right, it is supposed to be a part of my life, and your life, and everyone else's life. But it is some kinda 'over dosed'. It really brings me down till I have no mood at all to be hanging out again with my classmates or friends. Well, it depends on whom. However, or whatever, I felt that it is better not to plan anything or to participate in anything so that you wont feel bad about it when it is deviated on what you are supposed to do in the first place.

Is it supposed to be a part of life to be failing everything you get your hands on it? I felt bad to fail others, as like I can fulfill my promises. I hate it. But what can I do when I really have no other choices to be made? Yeah I have a choice, which is not to promise anything anymore, not to plan anything anymore, and not to participate anymore. I think this is the best idea I should follow in this mean time. It is not that I can't accept failures or what, but I've had enough of bad lucks in my lifes. I hate it when something I've planned doesn't even work out. It is so bad.

Well life is still gotta go on. I've gotta move on, even if I felt bad, no one will stop by and say they felt the same for me. They are just moving on. Everyone will move on. No one cares. This doesn't mean that humans are selfish or what, but it is a fact of life that everyone must think of themselves. It is their responsible. I understand it and I think it should be that way in a while.

Yeah yeah, I've talked bout nonsense too much this time. But what to do, I can't help it as the negative auras are still filling me up and splashing out of my mind all the while today, even after I get a good nice sleep yesterday, and today. I still can't forgive myself for being so unlucky, for being such a failure. I don't understand why everyone besides me are better than me. What's wrong with me anyway? Yeah, maybe this is the problem. I'm being too pesimistic, I can't think of something good, I'm always thinking negatives. That' why no girls are hooking up with me (haha), that's why I am such a failure, that's why I can never do things right.

Okay, I've gotta stop thinking bad now, atleast talk something good. But I can't think of something good at the moment so, I think I should stop here. Felt better after typing out, maybe I will have a better day tomorrow, or whatever that is going to come, I don't care anymore whether it is good or bad, because I've gone through them till I've fed up with it so, good night.


" No one is going to help you when you are not going to help youself. Why do you hate yourself? It is part of you, it is what makes you YOU. No one is the same, so if you do not like yourself, try to understand yourself more and make yourself better because this is the special you that is the only one which we can found."

Happy Birthday to Me....

Yikes.....I am older today~ Aging in the sense of appearance and age, but getting older doesn't meant that I am wiser or anything.

In fact, I've really really forgotten that I am having my big day today. I really realises it when I am awake and on my phone at around 7.05 am today...What a shame...oh well lifes like that anyway...

After so long, people tend to forget each other I think. Once they still remembered you, the next thing they just cant even recall who you are even if they saw you anywhere outside. Like today those who used to drop me a msg and they never did anymore I guess or I am just sensitive or what ever, but I am very happy that atleast someone still remembers and THEY celebrated my birthday with me even they just knew me for a month a.k.a my collegues!!! YEAH!!! Thanks guys you guys were great!!! But its sad that Winnie are going to leave us this Thursday... Thats gonna make me miss my entertainment time at working hours hohoho~~

Anyhow, tomorrow's a big test so I've gotta rush~ Thanks for those who celebrated and wished me and remembered my birthday and reminded me for my birthday! Thanks!!




"Birthday has no philosophies of my own because I have no time to rethink what happened everyday and Im busy, so.....oh well have a nice day!!"

Confusion

Yeah right, dont get me wrong by reading the title. Im not going to talk bout confucianism here, Im just confused by the way my manager acts...

At first I was thinking that I am working on a nice environment with alot of nice people, but the longer Im working there the more I found out about the dark side in this particular spa center which is having a big ECOPARADISE framed almost everywhere in this building...

Not to say that I am not satisfied by my company, overall I am quite enjoying working there abide from the boredom sometimes I can get, lol. Only today, my manager just annoyingly giving a hard time to an indonesian maid working there. Well she told us because she was a big mouth and she is doing something that wasn't a part of a job she was hired for (which is informing us that there is a malfunction on the termostate of one of the rooms there). Well then after that incident, an hour later I was being said, or being scolded (using a very soft tone which sounds like advice but I dont think its that way at all) by her for not able to get the stupid plastic bags for her =.=. And then she said being a receptionist, I wasn't only supposed to be sitting infront of the computer and keying the datas but also need to know every thing that was in the company (basically she meant those brochures and some of the products that I really dont know what they are ). My gosh, I was supposed to know everything in the company for just working there for 4 weeks? And MY JOB IS TO KEY IN THE DATA AND RECIEVE CALLS FOR APPOINTMENTS!!! Im just doing my job and whats wrong with that? And remember that she asked me to dance? Ya, that wasnt anything I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO~~ THATS NOT A PART OF MY JOB....

I felt pitty for that maid, well NOW I KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT TIME IN THE COMPANY, when there wasnt any customer I shall seek out every inch of the company and knew where everything were....swt...a hard job indeed....AND NOW THEY LACK OF PEOPLE TO HELP OUT TOO~~ IM HAVING MORE WORK LOAD.....




"Sometimes we gotta be prepared for something that we dont even think that we are going to face with, you just wouldnt know when they will come face to face to you one day, ambushing you unprepared..."

Saddening...

This, is really sad...Imagine having 6 assignments in one shot...and...not paperwork anymore this time...its field work...gosh when Im gonna dead, it must be one of these assignments...

Im currently having a harsh time on arranging my time for assignments and works because of the field work, which requires us to go DBKL (yeah, you aren't blur or what, and you definately have a sharp eyesight to have notice) and get the profile of any land which is empty and waiting for developement...worst still 5-10 acres of land isn't an easy task and we have to do population research on the area of choice and decide what are we gonna built on that land.(Oh god, take me please...)

Another thing is that we have to find any building on earth (which we decided to do it on National Library but we started to regret the moment when we saw the humongous building...) and do a fire prevent and protection system research and propose it to our lecturer and present the whole thing infront everyone...what sorta assignment is this...Im thinking making a video on this....

Harsh harsh harsh...someone somehow burst something to somebody...this is supposed to be a secret, or rather shouldn't be known not more than who should be concerned....I hate this...which means Im having a big headache now...and...maybe lost contact with bunch of people (ofcourse this is my choice, I think I should be hiding lol) at the mo...

Why everything bad had to come all at once? Why can't they be at least a bit considerate when tlaking bout other people? Why secrets aren't being kept secrets anymore? Why why why why why why????


Ahhh screw it, going to have my dinner for now...getting back when Im having a better mood...ciaoz....




"Now gossip is really an art...."

Opening Ceremony or Opening of MY Story

15th of June 2008:

Did I just said that had found a work in a SPA center? Ya, I did, and this is just MORE THAN A RECEPTIONIST....

3.15p.m. :

Molly, my manager of Ecoparadise, sudenly asked me to go with her...I felt uneasy and I knew there was something wrong but what can I do? I was like can't resist cause she is paying me to......well got to follow her up stairs.....

3.20p.m. :

Ya, I was right afterall....guess what? Molly :" Come Thye, you're gonna act...come do Swan Lakes with the uncles(of course she didnt say uncles)"
Me :"......Wh...what???"
Molly :" Yeah, go on..."
Me :" swt + T.T"

3.50p.m. :

Oh God please help me if you really existed...I don't wanna do SWAN LAKE with all these uncles...I don't understand why we need to do this stupid acting sudenly...and OH MY GOD THERE WAS PRETTIES WATCHING!!! DAMN MY IMAGE WAS ALL GONE!!!

4.15p.m. :

*Drop dead*.....
Maggie :" Thye! You looked cute~!!"
Uncle DunnoWhatIsHisName :" Hey Thye come, lets go, the had canceled the acting..."
Me :"Why?"
Uncle DunnoWhatIsHisName :"Because they can't find the right song for the acting..."
Me :" (kill me please...)"


This is really frightening...Ya I know I'm supposed to just do it, but I dislike something that just popped up sudenly...I do whatever that already has a planning to it...atleast you should've tell me earlier that I'm going to do THAT!
At least I will have more time to remember the storyline and train the moves...I was like, shocked + stunned + crazy + don't know what I am doing....crazy...its just a crazy day....


Well, atleast I get to run off the scene since they had not found the proper music for the play. Can you imagine ME DOING SWAN LAKE INFRONT THE PRESS?? And yeah, they had invited reporters from papers and TVs to interview, and they would most probably shoot me in with the stupid outfit that Im gonna wear if Im doing the swan lake.....oh God you just saved my life.....
Rewarding myself after work today, today was a really harsh day with all the press and the minister comming...atleast I had a dinner with Amelia, her sis, and Kelvin...hahaha



"Better plan before doing it, its for everyone's sake and it will lead you to success if you planned well..."