I thought I hate it, but then I don't hate it that much, in the end it doesn't even matters anymore

Sometimes, there is something wrong in life. At first I thought it was just me, but the it really isn't just me, and then it doesn't really matters anymore. Its being a crazy year, for I thought I could just start a brand new life. Forgetting all the pass-tenses and bringing on together with me those happy memories, and even try to make some. But, how unfortunate it is that everything, or I should say nothing, is going with my plans. Yes, NOTHING is going according to what I've planned.

This is really disgusting, I've planned an outing and in the end I recieved calls saying no one can make it. Fine, I planned this I planned that, in the end it doesn't work out. I've planned to earn some cash for myself, in the end I ended up jobless. WHY? Because my so called good manager has reduced my working hours till so short until I can only cover my petrol expenses with my so little salary. It happens right after she hired a full-timer for work. Hah! Thats the way life is.

Even though I hate it, but then I only thought I hate it, in the end it really doesn't matter anymore because I've still gotta live on and continue what ever I should've continued. So no matter how miserable life is I still gotta make it merrier than ever.

30th August 2008 -
Yes, this is the Merdeka eve, so what? It supposed to be a good day, but today it is not a good day after 1.30p.m. It happens again something I've planned months before ended up being bailed. I felt so heart broken as in I've been fooled around not by my friends this time, but is by HIM. Who ever HE is, you're so bad playing with my life like how my sister played with her Barbies. Some say this is a part of your life, mistakes and failures always comes right before you did something correctly, when you succeeded. Ya right, it is supposed to be a part of my life, and your life, and everyone else's life. But it is some kinda 'over dosed'. It really brings me down till I have no mood at all to be hanging out again with my classmates or friends. Well, it depends on whom. However, or whatever, I felt that it is better not to plan anything or to participate in anything so that you wont feel bad about it when it is deviated on what you are supposed to do in the first place.

Is it supposed to be a part of life to be failing everything you get your hands on it? I felt bad to fail others, as like I can fulfill my promises. I hate it. But what can I do when I really have no other choices to be made? Yeah I have a choice, which is not to promise anything anymore, not to plan anything anymore, and not to participate anymore. I think this is the best idea I should follow in this mean time. It is not that I can't accept failures or what, but I've had enough of bad lucks in my lifes. I hate it when something I've planned doesn't even work out. It is so bad.

Well life is still gotta go on. I've gotta move on, even if I felt bad, no one will stop by and say they felt the same for me. They are just moving on. Everyone will move on. No one cares. This doesn't mean that humans are selfish or what, but it is a fact of life that everyone must think of themselves. It is their responsible. I understand it and I think it should be that way in a while.

Yeah yeah, I've talked bout nonsense too much this time. But what to do, I can't help it as the negative auras are still filling me up and splashing out of my mind all the while today, even after I get a good nice sleep yesterday, and today. I still can't forgive myself for being so unlucky, for being such a failure. I don't understand why everyone besides me are better than me. What's wrong with me anyway? Yeah, maybe this is the problem. I'm being too pesimistic, I can't think of something good, I'm always thinking negatives. That' why no girls are hooking up with me (haha), that's why I am such a failure, that's why I can never do things right.

Okay, I've gotta stop thinking bad now, atleast talk something good. But I can't think of something good at the moment so, I think I should stop here. Felt better after typing out, maybe I will have a better day tomorrow, or whatever that is going to come, I don't care anymore whether it is good or bad, because I've gone through them till I've fed up with it so, good night.


" No one is going to help you when you are not going to help youself. Why do you hate yourself? It is part of you, it is what makes you YOU. No one is the same, so if you do not like yourself, try to understand yourself more and make yourself better because this is the special you that is the only one which we can found."